I started in this corner of the room. Floor only, as I'm doing a mostly garbage pass, although if something's on the floor we'll put it to donate, chuck, or find a home or temporary home for it until I can tackle everything on top of everything, which is pretty much taking up the space that needs to be homes for (organized) things. These pics are the same as the previous post, pre-cleaning, but they're a visual aid.
I cleaned just about up to the small child's chair you see in the corner of the room in this picture; a bit over a quarter of the room's circumference. That small chair, by the way, was made by my dad for my daughter when she was THREE. She's in Junior Highschool now.
That may not sound like much to some, especially since it was just the floor, but I was dripping sweat after 20 minutes, and had filled a kitchen-size garbage bag.
As well, I've been struggling with just doing dishes and laundry (not even folding) on a regular basis, let alone most other chores; that's kinda one reason the place has gotten to this point. Yes, doing things consistently, or at all, is a struggle when I'm depressed, anxious, trying to distract myself from mania (although mania does sometimes result in a burst of productivity, which I'm afraid may be the impetus behind this project). Most of the time though I'm fighting the things mania urges me to do that aren't good; that means there's not alot of me left over for ADL's (activities of daily life, as they say).
Regardless of the reason for doing this, I'm hoping blogging about it will A) help me stay somewhat organized about it, B) help my sense of efficacy and build upon it as I can look at the blog and see the progress I've made, C) help keep me motivated and carrying on with this even if the urge of productivity should desert me, and D) maybe keep alive some unreal notion that my non-existent blog readers might be sending me thoughts of support.
Yeah, that last one, not gonna happen. I need to do this for me, anyway, and I recognize that. Support doesn't hurt, though!
So . . . small moves.
I've been feeling overwhelmed over the last 24 hours, just looking at the whole room. As Adam Savage of Mythbusters would say (and that's how I hear it in my head), "There's your problem!" I have problems with looking too far into the future, looking at problems upon problems (it's turtles all the way down), as if I was looking at the humongous pile of food you need to eat over the next month or year, and feeling overwhelmed by it all.
We don't eat all that at once. It's made up of smaller meals, and those are further broken down into food groups, or various ingredients, or various steps of the recipe.
You can make your moves as small as you like; moving forward, even if it feels equivalent to maybe one frog hop, is the important thing. Just because it feels like a frog hop, doesn't mean it IS one.
The first day, I made a list (a HUGE one), took and posted the photos, and blogged about this. The next day, I took one of the categories of items I needed to research selling/trading, and started that process. (I'll be trading some old collectable gaming figures for a game I want, that takes up less than 1/4 of the space the figures did; a win/win, there. Boardgamegeek.com is great for exchanging, occasionally selling, old or new games and related items.) So, a small move.
I did not beat myself up inside about how little that seemed to accomplish in relation to the whole; the urge to do that came to me as it so easily does, but I countered those thoughts with, "No, it's not too little. You are no longer stuck and you are moving forward. FEEL how good that feels after being stagnant for so long!"
And I did. Feel good, that is. I transformed my negative thoughts and feelings not just into banishing the negative, but I created positive thoughts and feelings to replace them.
My mantra going forward will be, as you may guess, "Small moves, Sara. Small moves."
(P.S. Who wants to watch that movie now? Me . . .)
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