Across and Inside my Universe

Agitated

So, for almost a week my emotional and mental state has been all over the place.  I feel like a bungee cord that's been overused . . . . one hour I'll be thinking I have really good insights and have solved a really good problem (who says I haven't?), an hour or two later I'll be really really intensely something ELSE, a couple hours later I'll be biting everyones' heads off (or isolating myself or sitting on my hands to remind myself to say nothing), the next day I'll be so anxious I can't figure out why, later in the day I'll be really really positive that something is going to work out well, or that I'm capable of anything, a few hours later I'll be in a black storm of depression . . .  well, you get the idea.  On and on and on.

Soooo.  Today, I got really agitated writing the last post.  While what that Senator said riled me up, I don't think it's why I'm so agitated.   I can't, I can't, I CAN'T settle down; I have to say what I feel has to be said in order for the information that needs to be conveyed to be conveyed.  I HAVE to.

I try really hard to stop it, but with little success.

I went to an urgent care clinic today, and by the end of the appointment he was treating me a little bit like I imagine the mentally ill or obviously mentally ill sometimes are.  Patronizing, and believing not very much more of what I had to say.

JUST because I HAD to convey what was probably too much information to describe a problem that's been going on for some long stretches these last 18 months, doesn't mean I don't know BLOOD in my urine when I see it.  It'd stopped being sporadic and started being daily, these last 12 days or so . . . and that's besides the bladder pain, other or extra abdominal pain, and urethral pain . . .

SO.  It hurts, and it's bleeding.  Go to the doctor.  There WAS blood when I cleansed before the sample, there was blood AFTER I gave the sample (and no none of this is menstrual etc.)  The chemical analysis found BLOOD in the urine.

So, Mr. Really Old Patronizing doctor (well, I have to admit, he was somewhat patient for a large portion of the urgent torrents of explanation pouring from me; I'm so frackin embarrassed to be so out of control, I tried really really hard to be better but it wasn't working) tells me that while the chemical analysis showed blood in the sample, he looked through the microscope and saw none, so therefore there was none.

HELLOOOO.  There was none in the tiny droplet you put on the microscope slide . . . . this is why the chemical analysis, no?

AND, I emphasized again that I'd just seen blood there, twice, a few minutes earlier.  And that it had been going on for awhile, daily.

Really Old Doc:  "Nope, I saw no blood, so . .  . just take this anti-spasmodic for your bladder (and be a good dear and go away and stop bothering me)."  Parenthetical mine, but it kinda felt that way. 

I asked him if going untreated for a long time for overactive bladder could cause bleeding; he said no.  My pharmacist disagrees, he said the medication should probably help stop the bleeding, unless something else is wrong in addition to the overactive bladder . . .

While I'm not happy about the doctor, I do recognize I was a rather taxing patient, agitated and jittery, with compulsions and urges to say what I felt HAD to be said or I was going to explode.  Or something.

I REALLY REALLY hate losing control of myself like that in front of people; I don't do it often, because I stay home so much that it mostly happens at home.  Some might say, of course you can control yourself, you didn't try hard enough, but . . . they didn't feel it.  I did the best I could, but I was very agitated.

I think partly I ended up this way after 4-5 days of this emotional and mental whiplash I've been going through; my nerves are so frayed from it that I'm just . . . agitated.

Oh yeah, the mania doesn't help either, it fuels much of what has gone on . . . one day I was up for over 36 hours, and barely a yawn or two by the time I finally slept.

Usually I know what's been stressing me out that has led to the mania breaking through the medications, but I didn't know, earlier this week, why.  Although the last day or two, the health thing has been stress enough.  I hate the unknown.

Having Participation in Utah's State Electronic Medical Records Shoved Down My Throat

Edit:  After a bunch of ranting prompted by a Senator's comment, I've realized I should have cooled down before writing.  I'll post in a day or two my further opinions, including having read more articles . . .  but here's the basics without the ranting.

We're rather unorganized around here, so it's not uncommon to uncover a piece of mail that's months or more old, unopened.  Or opened, but this particular piece hadn't been opened.

It's dated July 19 2012, and is from the Utah Department of Health.  It says the following:

Dear Program Beneficiary:

A new state law this year requires that individuals enrolled in Medicaid, the Children's Health Insurance Program (CHIP), Primary Care Network (PCN), or Utah's Premium Partnership for Health Insurance (UPP) be automatically enrolled in the Utah Clinical Health Information Exchange or cHIE.

The cHIE is an electronic system that can help generate your medical history based on information from participating cHIE healthcare providers.  the cHIE provides a safe place for your healthcare providers to securely share and view your medical information.  Only authorized healthcare professionals can access your information and only for treatment purposes.

Based on available information, the cHIE helps your healthcare providers know what prescriptions you are taking, whether you have been diagnosed with a chronic illness, if you have ever had an allergic reaction to a medication, what immunizations you have had, and more.  This information helps doctros give you the best possible care because they know your medical history.

Beginning September 1, 2012, individuals on Medicaid, CHIP, PCN, or UPP will have their consent status in the cHIE set to PARTICIPATE.  You have the right to not participate in the cHIE or to change your consent status at any time.  You may also choose to give limited consent, which allows access to your medical records to healthcare professionals only in an emergency or for one particular medical visit.  When you leave Medicaid, CHIP, PCN, or UPP, your consent status in the cHIE will remain in effect for five years or until age 18 for minors.

For more information, visit www.mychie.org or contact your participating cHIE healthcare provider.

Sincerely,

 I have a variety of questions and issues I need to research, but the one that moved to the top of my list resulted from this article.

For now, Medicaid patients will be given a chance to pull out only because a mandate for them would require the federal government's blessing, which the bill directs state health officials to seek.

So, while the letter indicates I can opt out, it seems that may not be the case forever (or for long?).   A sentiment that is perhaps insensitively delivered is: 

As for Medicaid, he (Sen. Allen Christensen) said, "If the state's paying the bill, we get to tell you this is how it's going to be. If you don't want your records shared under Medicaid, that's fine, get out of Medicaid."

The Senator's name was added by me to clarify who said this statement. Parenthetical mine.

Perhaps the potential cost savings from better-coordinated care are a (justifiable?) reason to force opt-in (or eventually, forced participation with no opt-out) on those receiving publicly-funded health care.

Another quote from the article addresses this, sort of:

The cHIE promises to save lives, time and money by reducing misdiagnoses and medical errors caused by doctors having incomplete access to patient information.

I've never experienced any errors in medical care, or prescriptions, although that's just MY experience.  Since the disabled are a part of the population utilizing Medicaid, perhaps some peoples' more complicated medical needs would show some savings from being forced into this system/practice.  However, is it enough to justify taking away peoples' rights? 

This statement from the article sounds more like marketing for the cHIE than anything else.  Give me some studies.  I can eat crow, but that doesn't change my feelings that the Senator's opinion, phrased the way it is, is offensive, elitist, and other things.