Ugh. Should I even be posting in my current shape?
I dunno. It's like . . . . psychologically spreading your . . . . well . . . anyway, for the whole world. Not the best analogy.
On the other hand, I'm kind of curious about how the brain breaks down, sometimes, and it's not like this is sexual . . . . but the brain is kind of a personal thing . . . so . . . I dunno, maybe it's too much, here, and it's not like my judgment is in perfect shape.
I suppose I can always take down later.
I AM curious about the way things are working and not working. I suppose I am making a big to do about nothing, it isn't like I think it really matters that much, but it is the way things are . . . sort of misfiring, wires getting crossed, short circuits happening, things like that, that I find kind of interesting.
I think this is perhaps what my psychologist calls 'observing ego'.
Anyway, my last post (or more) was a bit of a train wreck, but then with these kind of symptoms that is to be expected. I guess.
The symptoms I listed aren't the whole story but with something like this I'm not going to post everything, what I posted was more than most would anyhow.
At least I'm a bit more coherent, this time.
What I'm HAPPY about, is my psychiatrist taking me seriously about the symptoms, instead of her recent shift this year towards thinking Asperger's (cause I'd gotten so weary, I think, in my ADDness of constantly repeating the so obvious to me manic symptoms, repeating the obvious i drop off over time, that I'd fallen off with that and so it's kind of my fault to a degree that I'd gotten weary of repeating the same damn stuff that I thought she'd already known that I'd been saying for years do I have to say it a hundred times I guess I do?) Oops I'm lapsing into less coherence again . . . . anyway, I'm happy that she is taking me seriously about the mania again. Finally. It felt like the stability of knowing a doctor knew where I was at (not that they have to take my word for my diagnosis explore whatever dx they want they are the doc but . . . . she already had, plenty, and then geez anyway it felt like she was just going with the asperger's stuff cause she was getting lazy or dx of the day or i dunno . . . maybe I AM asperberger's, I'm open to that but . . . )
Gah. Okay, pull it back together. I did this unfocused crap yesterday.
Happy to well not to have scary symptoms, but to be taken seriously, yeah. Having a smirking bald kid, arms folded, leaning against the car, flash in and out of my vision as a hallucination if that's how those can work, as we left for my therapy appointment, was quite startling. The second person I'd seen in less than 24 hours.
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